10 Signs You May Be In a Relationship with a Borderline

Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the most difficult disorders to diagnose and treat. Those with BPD project reality as effectively as a haunted house of mirrors. They have no ability to look within because they are so frightened of what lies at their core. It is very challenging to be in a relationship with a Borderline because no amount of truth can get them to see clearly. They are experts at weaving distortion and often their victims end up feeling responsible and exhausted. If you are chronically confused by someone’s intentions and feel like you are entrapped in a vice of misery, then you may be in a relationship with one.

Here are 10 signs you may be in a relationship with a Borderline:

1. They lie to you repeatedly, especially to avoid conflict or about the most random little thing because they do not want to be confronted. Sometimes there is no reason. They are pathological benders of the truth. They do not apologize and if they do, it is often a numbing cream to get you to forget how deeply they just insulted you. It is always tactical.

2. They always have a different version of the story. Five other people could remember it the same way, but they will insist their version is the one that is accurate. They often change the story to create a deeper emotional response or because they forget what they just sold you. The goal is to stack their allies, not to get to the truth. It is all about self preservation, even if you are lying on the floor bleeding from their verbal assault.

3. They think in black and white terms. People are for them or against them. Black or White. ALL GOOD or ALL EVIL. They rarely see in grey terms. In childhood they were often abused, so they have trouble having adult reasoning that people can be an amalgam of good and bad. When you are for them, you are wonderful. When you are against them, watch your back.

4. They are master projectors. If you raise an issue with them, they will find it laughable or ludicrous. If you raise a complaint and ask for more understanding, they will respond as if you asked for their eyes. And then they may try to poke yours out. Next they will proceed to find the exact flaw in you that you are pointing out in them. However, they will amplify your perceived flaw times 10. Once they are completely against you, they will rally the troops to learn all about how you aren’t as wonderful as everyone believes you to be. After you make up, they will act like they never set fire to your home.

5. They are impulsive or obsessive. They are often fueling their feelings of emptiness or loneliness by going on spending sprees of superfluous crap or downing pills and wine. Sometimes its sex.

6. Many of them lack ambition and goal setting. They may have people supporting them full time. Often it is a romantic partner that is trapped deep in the center of their web, so they can’t ever see. The Borderline may be brilliant, but they are so fragmented from their disorder that once they decide to take action, they often doubt and change their minds. Having people support them financially keeps them secure emotionally so that they will never be abandoned. Self reliance is appealing, however really not desired deep down. They end up emotionally controlling their partners to see them as victims in dire need of rescue.

7. You often feel so confused by their ability to turn on you. You may feel you are the one who is crazy. The relationship may take over your mind and your life. You can’t seem to do enough to warrant their respect or love. You are on a cycle of criticism and acceptance with them, but this is how they see you because again they are the projectors. You keep trying to reason with them and this just creates more attacks and distance. It may cause you to attack and lash out in ways you normally wouldn’t because you keep trying to reason with insanity. As my father says, take yourself out of the game so then there is no one to play it.

8. They are chronically bored. They need constant stimulation. Some need to read while they watch TV for example.

9. They will bring up issues that seemed long since resolved. The past is never safe enough.

10. Their moods are completely unpredictable. They withdraw their affections very easily as a means to punish and self protect.

There are many more signs of BPD. If you are interested in understanding more about this disorder and how to heal yourself from being crushed by one, then please email me to sign up for my free workshop this Sunday!


*Everything on my blog must be considered for entertainment purposes only due to law. I am not a doctor. Please seek medical attention if you feel you are dealing with these symptoms.

Categories: Uncategorized


  1. Looking forward to the workshop!

  2. You’ve distilled theBPD struggle here pretty accurately – thank you for that. My question is, what is the connected, spiritual guidance for those wounded with the disorder themselves? Thanks – glad I came across this

    • I just recently did a workshop on this that was free and I will be doing another one. It is often about recovering the soul piece that was lost in very early years due to some trauma. Often a resistance is built in the energy field that keeps love out. It is very difficult to treat because the borderline has difficulty understanding that someone isn’t against them in totality when someone points out a negative behavior. It takes great strength on the part of the borderline to face their own darkness because they are terrified of who they are..which in actuality is just nothing more than the rest of us. No amount of convincing the borderline that they are projecting or that they are safe will allow them to hear you. It is like a wounded rabid animal in a cage. It doesn’t hear anything you are saying, it is merely reacting. Boundaries work better than soft love.

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