I think it’s hard for men to not be consumed by their need to accomplish what they want in the world. Its a ton of pressure. Often they are trying to live up to an overwhelming ideal. They naturally want their father’s to be proud of them even when their father wasn’t really a wonderfully loving parent. This can be fueled even more so when the man was made to feel his accomplishments were never enough in his childhood. If he only received recognition when he played sports or did something the father deemed worthy, then this can set up a deeper need for him to focus outward on material successes. This does not make him shallow. It can cause him to continue to live in the shadow of the father and never realize where his own deep desires may lay. It doesn’t imply that he doesn’t have the right values. It simply means his focus was conditioned in early years to conquer, which is also heavily fueled by his primal nature. He may have been conditioned to buck up and be strong and put his emotional needs way down beneath his surface. He may secretly desire more than you to find that beautiful partnership and he may fear it is not even possible. It is very hard for them to break through this shell and see they can have everything and not be perceived as weak. It is hard for a man to know he can give himself permission to have love and still feel energized and clear enough to accomplish his goals.
Today, I just said to a frustrated female client, go easy tiger because his last relationship taught him that relationships equal engulfment and danger. The only thing I don’t like about this article my friends are rapidly posting (link below) is the idea that it implies men are weak. Often they are strategic planners and do not make whim decisions with their hearts (which I wish more women would do). If men were greatly hurt in the past, they do not want to take the same risks again because a consuming love may have greatly harmed their ambition. This can make them seem cold or uncaring, when in fact it is a sign of their incredible sensitivity. Most people haven’t seen or experienced relationships that actually benefit both partners to thrive and excel. If you find a dream man and he seems to be taking a back seat, show him through your words and actions that being with you will fuel his dreams much further than on his own. He will get it and never want to let you go. If he does put you on a shelf and only take you off when it’s convenient, then yes some other man will be his teacher by taking you off the market. But let’s not blame men for being weenies. They are amazingly sensitive creatures who often are just trying to protect their destiny and their hearts. But yes, I do understand how sometimes us women just want to use a jackhammer with words! So..if you find a man who is more focused on trying to conquer himself than the world outside him, then I say worship that man.
This post was a response to an article called 5 Things You Didn’t Know About the Woman You Call Intimidating. Click below to read.
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